I must be maaaaad.....

....because I'm setting myself the challenge of completing Agoraphobics Anonymous in the next 30 days! Obviously, a very rough first draft.

And why am I trying to write 1000 words a day? Because I want to start work on another book for NaNoWriMo, and spend November writing 2000 words a day! Like I said....I must be maaaaad!

Originally (heck, not even 24 hours ago), I was going to use NaNoWriMo to complete Ag Anon. I was going to be an official NaNo Rebel - working on a book already in existence. And then I got thinking and completely reversed my opinion.

The new book? Moving Meditation - something like five or six POV characters attending a tai chi class for various reasons of their own. Now, that might sound a little like last year's NaNovel - Tai Chi Choos. Well, yes and no. I haven't looked at last year's NaNovel since I wrote it, as I become increasingly aware that I was hating the whole chick-lit genre.

Now, I'm taking the MC and including her story as only one of the POV characters - and she'll likely be a stronger, tougher, edgier character than the floppy, whimsical, sappy girl I originally created. Maybe - I'll just have to wait and see how she writes herself.

Yes - I'm pantsing it.....writing by the seat of my pants with minimal outline, plot or even an idea as to who is who, why and when. I hated the story last year because I wrote to a strict outline and killed off any chances of spontaneity. I've written Ag Anon btsomp, and it appears to be working. I can only keep my fingers crossed that Moving Meditation will work just as well.

Right.....another 300 words to write today, at the very least, so I'd best get cracking!

A change...

...is as good as a holiday, they say. Well, I can't go on holiday but I can change things around! I hope you all like the new blog design. Although purple is my favourite colour, I fancied something a bit different and settled on the zebra-print. Not only does it reflect my original training as a Zoologist, but it also reflects the black-and-white nature of BPD.

I've had some fun with my writing today, although I haven't particularly added to my word count. I spent a couple of hours making a paper Scrabble board! The two central characters in Agoraphobics Anonymous play each other online, and I needed to work out what words they could play whilst chatting to each other. I'm very particular about details, so I didn't want to write down "newels" gave a score of 12, when actually it gives a score of something else....I also wanted to make sure nobody could turn around and say "but you've used 7 letter "s"s and there's only 6 available". I'm a great one for minutiae!

Now I'm going to spend a couple of hours attempting to learn the drums....I'm determined that I'll be able to play a "knock-out drum solo" in 3 weeks. It might not be a very long solo, but I want it to sound and look impressive. I just don't think it's possible to fake playing the drums onstage! I don't have a drumkit (that arrives at tomorrow night's rehearsal) but I have sticks and things to hit - namely the sofa, a large book and my thighs! Let's get ready to rock!

The unexpected jalapeno peppers in life...

I started writing this post a few days ago but my computer is on go-slow/crash every five minutes mode. I can't work out if it's the computer itself, or my new internet provider. It keeps freezing up when I'm browsing online. Big Toots is rather disappointed because she was in the middle of a new Moshi Monster SuperMoshi Mission (if  you have Toots of your own, you'll know what I'm talking about!). Even though I closed the browsing session, I still have the sound effects ten minutes later! So I'm writing to the accompaniment of a creaking, dripping, ghost ship......

But it illustrates the point of my post - life sometimes throws you an unexpected jalapeno pepper. Let me explain....

At 40,000-something words, I FINALLY wrote my panic pizza chapter. It's a chapter I first researched about 8 months ago, and I've been saying "next chapter, next chapter" since chapter 3. Halfway into the book, it's finally written.

What's a panic pizza? Well, it's a way of looking at anxiety in general. You can't deal with all the anxiety in one, big lump. You need to cut it into small slices and then deal with them one bite at a time. Angie and David both have to identify the "slices" of anxiety in their life - something they're both finding nearly impossible. David, whilst trying to eat a too big slice of real pizza (to illustrate the point), came across an unexpected jalapeno pepper....much like me and my computer today!

David knew how to deal with the real pepper (a glass of milk) - but it'll be interesting to see how he and Angie deal with the metaphorical jalapenos in their recoveries. They'd better get a move on though - they'll be meeting up in another 20,000 words!

Reflective...

...slowly but surely, Agoraphobics Anonymous is taking shape.

The past couple of chapters haven't been pleasant ones to write - a suicide, an alcoholic with bipolar disorder crashing and burning....but that's the stark reality of life with mental ill-health. Not everyone is going to be lucky enough to recover and get to a point where they're happy with their life.

I look outside on this glorious, sunny summer afternoon and thank God I was never successful at my umpity-dozen suicide attempts. I look at photos of Big Toots and Little Tootsie, plus Lovely Boyfriend, and smile. No, I'm not working despite the DWP's best efforts, and I'm having to scrape by on £71 a week, but I've worked out how my head works and I manage my condition the best way I can.

But there are millions of people out there who are depressed, suicidal or just plain miserable about their lives. Not all my fictional characters will have a happy ending, but I hope that healthy people reading about their journies will take the time to think about a friend or loved one who isn't well. Mental ill-health isn't about poor will-power, or a lack of faith....it's an illness and deserves as much support as any other illness. You wouldn't tell someone with cancer to "just buck up" so don't do it to someone with chronic depression.

I promise to keep writing about mental ill-health until I run out of conditions to cover. And I hope people will keep reading the stories and develop a better understanding of everything involved.

Good news....

....I have had a request from a publisher for the full manuscript of Hospital Corners! It's my first positive response and I'm over the moon. In fact, I have butterflies the size of vampire bats swooping around my stomach whenever I think about a real, live (well, obviously...) commissioning editor reading MY book!

It's a wonderful boost to my confidence after 16 outright rejections and a spell of not knowing where to take Agoraphobics Anonymous. I still don't know exactly what I'm going to write next, but I know I'm going to keep on writing because I must be doing SOMETHING right!

I've taken two weeks off from any kind of writing as it's the summer holidays and Big Toots and Little Tootsie were staying with me all last week. We had a blast with our local church summer mission and Lovely Boyfriend. But Lovely Boyfriend goes back offshore today, and the Toots are on holiday with Granny and Grandad for a week, so it's fingers at the ready for some fast and furious writing sessions. I'll hopefully keep you all posted on the progress over the next two weeks.

30,000 and counting...

....22 chapters and I have a clearer idea where things are going for Angie, Ryan, David and the rest of the group. 

I realised, chatting with Lovely Boyfriend one night, that I was running the risk of turning my novel into a self-help guide to the 12-steps and CBT. That's not what I set out to write! So, after a couple of hours on the phone, I came up with a vague idea that has now started cementing itself in actual words. There's still some way to go (I've probably got to go back to some earlier chapters and tweak things, as you do when you suddenly develop a new plotline) but there's actually some light at the end of the tunnel. 

I was really starting to panic about where I was taking my characters and what they were going to do for the next 30,000 words. I still don't have the fine details worked out (I don't have chapter outlines like I did for Hospital Corners and my NaNovel effort), but I have a STORY which is what counts.

It's not going to be pretty, but that's what first drafts are all about! And it's not going to be pretty for some of the characters either - but that's what happens with mental ill-health. Not everyone in the group is going to get better. And it's often the people who least expect....

I'll be very much a part-time writer again over the next few weeks (which is typical, when I actually have an idea of where to go!) because it's the summer holidays and I have two small Tootsies to entertain. The weather has improved today, so we've been exploring the gardens of our local National Trust property and discovering a roosting bat (well spotted Big Toots!). However, rest assured that my brain is ticking over the Agoraphobics Anonymous characters as I go about my own life.

The wheels are churning....

...ever so slowly, Agoraphobics Anonymous is pulling itself out of the bog of "what the hell do I write now" and into the land of "Ping! That's a good idea".

I haven't even been able to call myself a part-time writer these past few weeks, I've been so busy with getting on with the other bits of my life. Blame Lovely Boyfriend for one. The school holidays for another. Me being stuck about what to write for three. Benefits issues, mediation appointments and general all-round slowness of ex-hub to do ANYTHING I ask him too.....sigh.....but progress is slowly getting made.

But it's no wonder that some days I just want to hide under the duvet and wait for the sun to go down...not that I've been able to see much sunlight through the persistent grey clouds! Apart from the one day last week, where Lovely Boyfriend and I took a picnic into a stone circle, spent an hour lazing in the only sun we'd seen for weeks, and ended up looking like a set of red, stripey bookends where the sun had burnt our faces around our glasses....oh deary, deary me.

However, today I made the supreme effort to: a) get out of bed at a reasonable time; b) do all the housework/chores I've been ignoring for the past week; and c) WRITE something. ANYTHING. And the result is seven hours of computer time reviewing, tweaking, re-writing, and newly writing to bring the chapter total to 19. Something like 27000 words now exist where, a year ago, there was nothing but a vague idea for a title and two characters. I hope to get a bit more finished tomorrow before I'm invaded by Big and Little Tootsies. They've spent a week with their Dad and assorted Grandparents, hopefully not getting too flooded out.....I'm sure I'll hear all about it tomorrow!